Anonymous asked: I've known a guy for about 8 months, i met him when i had just gotten out of a relationship, and although i quickly fell for him, i wasn't able to make sense of what i wanted, and could not decide that i wanted ot be in a relationship or not. I should mention that he lives in LA and i live in new york, so the distance was a big part of it.
We eventually had a falling out when he found out i was dating other people, and did not talk for a month. That didn't last long, when he came to visit friends in new york and we ended up sleeping together. It was all really intense, and i told him i loved him. After that i really wanted to be with him, and was ready to make it work.
What followed was a horrible dramatic few months, where i tried my best to make up for hurting him, tried to have a relationship, found out he was seeing someone else who he insisted was just a friend, broke up with me, and found out he was fucking this 'friend', and then i just ended up begging and begging him to stop fucking her and be with me.
He kept saying he loved me, but that just made it feel worse. I finally told him off, and had it in my head i was done with him, and he contacts me today asking me to give him another chance. Part of me hates him for this, part of me just wants him back still after all this time, part of me hates myself for not knowing better. What do i do?
Dear Hater,
There are times, where we become so hypnotized by the dance of a fire, that we don’t even realize we are burning alive. It doesn’t matter how much it hurts, we will let ourselves be consumed by this passion, that all thoughts to just put it out for good, feels like we will wash away with the waters. But you must know, that you won’t.
Some of us just burn hotter than others, there’s nothing wrong with that, but you must not allow yourself be so filled with this fuel for love, that any spark sets us ablaze. Even more so than others, you must protect yourself, because not everyone knows how to handle intensity, and even worse, some people you will want more than anything, but will just leave you a charred husk.
When people are screwed over by friends, no one agonizes about “Why are they acting this way?” or “Why won’t they just stop?”, most people just think “Damn, So and So is being a supreme dick. I’m gonna stop hanging out with them.” But when it’s someone we genuinely care about, and have become attached to romantically, we will jump through every hoop to justify their behavior. This is ridiculous. You don’t need to justify anyone’s behavior, their actions always speak louder than words, even when those words may come so sweetly on a lonely night, saying “sorry..”
If you’re gonna hate, if you’re gonna rage, use that burning rage to temper your metal, so you emerge like shining gold. Don’t turn it within and destroy yourself, wondering what you did wrong or why you weren’t good enough. Next time, remember what Johnny Cash sang about, build yourself a ring of fire, and when you meet someone who really cares, they’ll walk through it and won’t even get burned.
“Love is a burning thing, and it makes a fiery ring. Bound by wild desire, I fell into a ring of fire. I fell into a burning ring of fire, I went down down down and the flames went higher. And it burns burns burns, the ring of fire. The ring of fire.”
