Anonymous asked: Dear Mr. Misses,
I told my boyfriend of 5 months "I love you" for the first time, and he freaked out and broke up with me. After spending a week's vacation with me back home, charming my whole family, acting as though everything was great between us. And after playing the perfect boyfriend around my friends before that. I could not have felt more safe or sure of our relationship when this happened. He said it wasn't because I said this, and that he had realized while home with me that it wasn't working and I don't fit in with his five year plan. So he basically deceived me, my family, and my friends into thinking that he wanted to be with me. Now I don't know if anything he ever said or did was true, if he ever really wanted to be with me, or if he was lying the whole time, and just wanted someone to like him.
I sensed trouble a month back. He seemed distant, and went from texting and calling every day and seeing me every couple days to seeing me every 5 or 6 days and not being in touch as much. So I brought it up, and the fact that I didn't feel confident about going on this trip we had planned. I put breaking up on the table, and asked him if he wanted to be with me. He said he did. Between then and the breakup, he had his act together.
The trip back home was also planned around meeting up with his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend, for his best friend's surprise birthday present. I got us all free tickets to go see their favorite show, through work connections. Now I'm thinking he stayed with me the past month at least in part, if not wholly, to not fuck up this trip to Chicago with his best friend. His best friend's girlfriend just posted pictures of the trip to Chicago, and I am not in any of them.
Do you think he's a lying piece of crap, or what? What gives? What is the lesson to be learned here?
Dear Land Rovers-then-its-Overs,
“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players,”
But in life, the real tragedy isn’t the death of all the principal players in the final act, but that half the time we don’t know we’re gonna end up some person’s Rosaline on their way to Juliet. Just a name forgotten on a character sheet, deleted off a cell phone contact list. If only we could know beforehand, we wouldn’t be swayed by some dude’s soft words, and the lines could be recognized for what they were: Bullshit.
And that’s the rub, he might say that it wasn’t because you said you love him, and that might be true. What i think it really is, was that it was pure unfiltered truth. You knew him, you wanted him, you loved him, he made you feel secure, and a man who can’t figure out how that “fits” into his five year plan, sounds like he is trying desperately to make sure his plan itself fits together. There’s nothing wrong with setting goals, being ambitious, but if you have five-year plans that don’t take into account human relationships, then you’re gonna end up with 5 years of numb accomplishments. And that’s on him.
Ultimately, you knew what you wanted, and he couldn’t deal. He was comfortable with a layer of lies, and that was revealed when you loved him. Something about “I Love You” unravels everything, and it may gently undo our knots or cut through them like Alexander.
The world’s a stage, “they have their exits and their entrances,” The lesson is not to learn what he lied about, what he did or didn’t do, it’s about you. In breakups, all we think of is the other, and forget that the play goes on, with or without us. You’ll move on, and he’ll become just another name soon forgotten, a character deep in the credits, listed as “Ex-Boyfriend played by…”
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