Anonymous asked: Dear Mister Misses,
I have this inability to understand why anyone likes me or wants to be around me. I feel like I don't have much to offer anyone and questions why anyone chooses to be around me. When I am with other people I sometimes feel like I am gazing into the face of a stranger and think "Why on earth do you like being around me?" I have a good sense of self and am comfortable in my own skin otherwise, but cannot get past this way of thinking. I know I am a good person and don't have any ill will towards anyone, but I feel like this is greatly hindering my relationship with other people. Any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Don't Change Your Plans For Me
Dear Cactus Person,
I’ve heard too much bullshit, where people say “I don’t care what people think,” Too many people try to act like they are above it ALL, but they still wear clothes in public, hold in their farts most of the time, say excuse me when they bump into strangers, and ask first before taking a bite of someone else’s food. If people really didn’t care what others thought, you wouldn’t be able to cross the street without passing 10 streakers covered in stains from ten meals past. Gross right? Thank god we are saved by self consciousness.
But what you have, is the other extreme of the spectrum. If you are comfortable in your own skin, and think you’re a good person, what CAN it be then? Feeling insecure is feeling insecure, and for some reason, you feel threatened in all social interactions.
Whatever the reason, the solution is the same. Remember that you will never, ever, ever know what another person is thinking. We are ultimately alone in the universe, unable to truly discover another person’s deepest soul. Though we may seek, and it is a worthwhile quest, it has no destination. So be comfortable, that you are as opaque to others as you’d want to be, and they are opaque to you. Read not into your own assumptions of others, do not misconstrue a facial expression or a lack of one, but discover a person through their words and actions, as you get to know them.
Everyone wants to believe we can “read people”. But it’s bullshit we tell ourselves so we don’t feel overwhelmed by the constant inability to know anything at all. The only way we can read a person, is like a book, from beginning to end. Get to know the whole story, not just the clift notes version you get in the first few moments, and take pleasure in the fact that you get to discover something new about someone everyday, and they get the same pleasure with you.
Don’t worry if people like you, you’ll only know after finding out. Instead, consider yourself a secret garden, only a few that you let in, will explore. Why not? Otherwise, you’ll appear so guarded, that only the thorns will protrude.
Everybody has felt like this at some time, lonely lilies in a field, unable to see the bouquet they are a part of.
