Anonymous asked: I'm sure I'm not the only one who does this but I have this ridiculous habit of going back through my life and looking at my most important decisions and actions and wondering "what if…?". I sit there in my room and think "ok so let's say I didn't do such and such thing, how would my life at that time have been." I don't feel like I regret any of my decisions but I just can't seem to shake this habit of mine. Its not like i have had the craziest life or the most interesting. I think my life is pretty plain but many times when I'm either bored/sad/lonely I get into to this mood and the "what-if's" start flying in. "What if i chose the profession I really wanted?" "What if i just didn't dump that guy?" "What if i didn't run away?" "What if i did just drank myself silly that night?" etc etc n such.
You know these "Choose Your Own Adventure" books? as a kid i tried reading a couple and got so annoyed. i didn't like not knowing what the possibilities were. i tried reading one page per page like a regular book and got confused. i guess this ridiculous habit is like that. all those cause and effects things that I can't control but want to know.
Is this like a sick sad punishment that leaves no visible scars? Would one consider this regretting one's life? I know i can't change any of the end results cuz im living it now. but i cant help to wonder. Nor do i want to regret my life.
Sincerely,
Anti-Edward Packard
Dear Anti-Edward Packard,
I believe What-If is the theft of gratitude. Of all the things we have in life, every street we cross without being run over, every black cat that doesn’t curse us, every friend ready to throw down for you, there are a million what-if’s, sneaking up and shaking down your life for all it’s worth.
What you may not realize about the Choose Your Own Adventure Books, are that they are successful, not because each story ends in a happy ending, but that most what-if’s end in pure regret. You turn the page, you decide to follow Mr.Grumperson to the attic, and it turns out he’s got a mouthful of spiders ready to consume you…and too bad you brought your little sister along too. You see, the books work, because you will re-read them constantly, seeking that one path that leads to success, unfortunately, in real life, we are stuck on one path forever, and are unable to see where other choices would have lead.
Or Fortunately. Because we have only one life, we must believe that the path we are on is the best possible path of all possible paths. Sure, things could be better in some regards, but they sure as hell can always be worse.
Here’s a new game for you, instead of reading those books and getting frustrated, sit down and pretend your life is a Choose Your Own Adventure. Go through every major life change you’ve had, and realize how you’ve gotten to this point. You’ve done it! You’ve discovered the one door that has opened to the perfect ending! You are who you are, happy, satisfied, everything inevitably leading to this one point, and there’s nothing worth worrying about. And wanna know what makes this game even better? You can play it all the time, you can play it at any time scales. One day, try measuring the small moments in the span of ten seconds, that lead to a smile happening, or the 20 agonizing minutes wondering if someone will kiss you. There are adventures in every second of every day.
And every moment you are alive, remember this is not “The End”…its a “To Be Continued”, and you will have many more adventures to come.
