Anonymous asked: Dear Mister Missus, My boyfriend of almost four years cheated on me on a Hangover-style bachelor party weekend. He was blackout drunk, came home crying, and hasn't really stopped crying since. I never pictured us together forever, but I also think we had more mileage in this relationship. I wasn't as mad as I thought I would be, but I think my heart and body reflexively friend-zoned him as soon as he told me what happened. Now I need to decide whether to move out. I ask you: wtf? WWMMD?
Dear Person with a Wimpy Crybaby Boyfriend,
Guilt is a luxury. People cry and whine and ask for forgiveness, because it allows them to do something wrong without actually having to do the hard work and fix what they broke. Sometimes, what they broke can’t be fixed, so guilt allows a person to tell themselves ‘Well i felt really bad about it..” But what is harder, is to put away the tears, and confront the shit you’ve done and change.
Cheating doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship, but it is the end of something. The bond you form in a relationship has been broken, for a moment, he erased everything you held in confidence, and was a blank slate for a night. Perhaps blacking out is appropriate, because he definitely blacked out your connection. But being drunk is no excuse, because a relationship should be strong enough that it endures all matters of poor judgement. Being drunk isn’t the only way a person can make mistakes, and it’s no less of a mistake to tell a person “Well, i wasn’t HAPPY with us!” than “I was just DRUNK!” Guess what, who gives a shit? If you can’t handle your life problems whether you’re unhappy or inebriated, you need to grow up a little.
I say listen to your instincts. If your reaction is to friendzone him, and its not like he was THE ONE, then move on. We have no obligations to anyone who doesn’t honor their obligations to us. In the end, part of drinking responsibly is being responsible enough to know when to stop drinking, and to know when to put yourself away when you’ve gone too far. Your boyfriend hasn’t proved he can do either, and all his blubbering just proves he’s got a lot of tears in him, but not much for heart.