Mister Misses Answers your Questions

an advice column for young cosmopolitan strangers

"A man tells a woman he’ll rape her because its the only thing left where he can still have power. You ain’t gonna shame no dude into stop doing that. Shame is exactly why he does it. Dude knows exactly how offensive he is being. And if it offends his dude friends? They think, "That’s cause they’re little bitches too, so fuck them. I bet they can’t get laid, so they just pretend to be feminists to hang out with chicks."

—Part 2 of Feminism as Self Protection


"Feminism will protect all the boys. No boy should have to learn these lessons this way. You shouldn’t have to grow up into a man feeling like you never learned how to do this. Hyper sexuality, braggadocio, machismo – all things that i’m guilty of. I shouldn’t be afraid of other men, i shouldn’t be afraid of myself.

But i am, and feminism is the only way i know to keep the violence in me from spreading to other men and boys.”

livy101 asked: Do you really hate it when you're confused ?

I don’t really feel confused too often. Most of the time, the things that confuse me are other people’s feelings, but i try to remember that i shouldn’t try to guess at what other people are feeling unless i’m willing to ask them and accept what they tell me

Depression is a black hole, and all it does is gain mass and darkness, while your orbit falls apart

—I’ve dealt with being depressed for a good while now. I wrote about my coping strategies, and how i’ve come to accept it.


Also, if you’re feeling depressed, or worst, suicidal, always talk to someone. You never know how many people are dealing with or dealt with similar feelings. The world can be cold, and cruel, and heartless, which means you’ll always find someone who would enjoy huddling together with you for warmth and comfort.

I was really ashamed of myself when i was depressed, and my friends and family were the ones who showed me i had nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not who you are, its just the weather in your head.

They say you need to spend money to make money, but how do you make the money to spend?!? There must be some way to break into that catch 22. Is the lottery involved?

Dear MoneyPockets,

"You need to spend money to make money," is just a folksier way of saying invest. Whether that is a nice suit, manufacturing costs, or anything else, the name of the game is to turn a profit by making sure your investments pay for themselves and then some. The "then some" is what’s most important, without it, you stagnate, and stagnation is death when it comes to money issues.

If you’re not making money, you’re quickly losing it. No lottery can create the hustle you need day after day. You must hustle. Hustle real hard.

As a Muslim feminist woman of color, I cannot relate to Slutwalks as it caters mostly to the definition of emancipation set by white women. Slutwalks deviate in terms of delivering the message against sexual assault. It turns a blind eye to women of cultures where flimsy clothes don’t necessarily lead to rapes. Muslim women get raped too. Nassim Elbardouh is right. “Do Not Rape” Walk sounds better. This isn’t to say that I don’t support Slutwalks. I simply can’t relate to a liberating movement that does not liberate nor acknowledge me. Western feminism, despite its undeniable achievements, still perpetuates the image of a white woman as the liberated one. If these feminists do claim to represent all women, they need to understand the dynamics of the cultures other women hail from. Don’t care if you’re wearing a thong or burka, no one has the right to rape you. Burka clad brown Muslim women get raped too. Represent us. I want a movement that represents me regardless of my color and creed. End victim blaming and rape culture by representing everyone.

-Mehreen Kasana via twitter on Slutwalks (via downbythetyrabanks)

can we make “do not rape”-walk happen?

(via femminista-fatale)

(Source: pushinghoopswithsticks, via alimarko)

I am unhappy and I feel numb and desensitized lately, and I even thought about suicide for about 5 minutes. What shocked me was that I felt indifferent to dying and living equally. How can I get my emotions back?

Dear Peter Pan’s Shadow,
Every once in awhile, we go through these dark days, and some people have more of the dark days than others. The shitty thing about being depressed, is its like trying to make a sand castle on the edge of the sea. The waves keep on crashing around you, til you just sit there and feel that indescribable sinking feeling.

Everyone always wants to feel better, but it’s hard to really figure out how. I can just say “Pick yourself up and keep moving,” but that never sounds like a solution when you feel stuck. Nonetheless, i think we have a natural automatic way of dealing with depression, when things get so bad, sometimes your mind just disconnects. Call it dissociation, feeling numb, not giving a fuck, blegh or whatevz, everyone’s had that feeling where you just feel grey. It’s your mind’s way of shielding itself, putting a limit on your pain, and letting you continue.

In a way, it’s a good thing, because if you can recognize that you’re just not caring for too long, then that recognition alone is a moment of caring. Caring about not caring, caring that you thought about suicide, feeling shocked by indifference, these are all healthy reactions, even if you’re dealing with very unhealthy thoughts.

Your emotions will come back, when you want them back. When you want to feel better, you’ll have to let yourself feel bad first. Grieving, loneliness, anger are all useful, but you must direct them towards a purpose, or they turn inward and rot the core.

But this, above all, is something i want to stress. If ANYONE is ever feeling so terrible, they are thinking about suicide, make sure you do one thing right after. Call someone. Call anyone. Call a hotline, i know they are out there, but call your friends and family too. No one needs to give up, no one needs to fall victim to depression and other related diseases, and believe me, things always get better.

Depressed person says “No it won’t. Things just keep getting worse.” I agree, things would get a lot worse without you around :(


all art (maybe all matter for that matter) is going to be destroyed. except 1 artist’s. this artist’s work will be revered and preserved for eternity as a precious artifact of human existence whence humanity is studied by the thoughtful, nostalgic anthropologists of another species.

Who do you pick? Your own work or someone else’s? If so, who’s?

Dear Hinternetz,

I would choose as the only artist’s work worth saving, i’d pick the art of God. Not to be too spiritual, but i do believe that if there is a creature that can destroy all matter, then there has to be a creature that can create all matter, perhaps even the same creature. And I’d tell them, the most precious artifact of human existence, is the belief that there are things like beauty, and some things without discernible value are still worth saving. That if the universe was created by something, then those values were a part of that creator as well, and so all the universe itself, a canvas, and all its atoms, pigments and color.

All the art worth saving is in the circumference of a circle.

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. Things are great between us and I really see a future for us. The only problem is our sex life. I am highly attracted to him but his sex is boring. I so badly want him to be rough with me. I love the feel of a mans hands around my throat, the feel of his teeth pushing into my skin. I need him to call me dirty names and Fuck me hard. How do I get this from him without A. Having think I am a freak, B. Scaring him away, C. Hurting his feelings or D. all of the above?


Dear P,

Multiple Choice Sex, sometimes the answer is 3 people, other times, the question is 1 person. Sex is as personal as fingerprints, but for some reason, most of us don’t look at our fingertips and wonder “Why am i so twisted?” One of the first ways to have great sex, is to get rid of the rules, and realize that the way you love sex is perfect the way it is, and you get to have a present for yourself whenever you get laid. But a present is even better, when it’s a gift all wrapped up and given to you just because you’re great. But it’s so hard to buy gifts for even close friends, so usually the best gifts are the ones that you know they put a lot of thought into them.

If you have a great relationship in all other aspects, i’m 100% positive that whatever your boyfriend learns about you sexually, will not just arouse him, he’ll be eager to do, as long as you convey what you want, what you’re comfortable with, and how some power play is more about play than it is about power.

Sure, he won’t be great at first, they’ll be some awkward moments where he might say something weird like “I’m gonna choke the shit out of you” and you just start laughing at how ridiculous it came out. But that’s the great thing about great relationships, you have time.

You have time to find out each square inch of another person, where a freckle sits under an armpit, the spot on your legs where you’ve missed shaving, the crooked way his teeth smile, and you have time to create a real life together. Sex is just a part of your relationship, but as you get closer, you’ll find that the sex also becomes closer.

Give it time, and fear not, if he’s a keeper, he’ll be calling you a “fucking slut who loves sucking his fucking dick you little whore…i love you” in no time at all.